BREAKING: Woman Has Birthday

That hideous hag who occupies the country’s largest council house is 90 today. This is the leading story.

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Costly, anti-democratic to its core, archaic and masochistic. There’s more anti-monarchical arguments than I care to rub in your grimy proletarian faces, preoccupied, as they are, by all that pompsense. Thomas Paine managed to succinctly diagnose our national sickness, and that’s what you’ll get.

“One of the strongest natural proofs of the folly of hereditary right in kings, is, that nature disapproves it, otherwise, she would not so frequently turn it into ridicule by giving mankind an ass for a lion.”

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